Dec

23

Christmas Carol Promotes Terrorism

By admin

What would you call a bunch of Christmas carolers who showed up on your doorstep and demanded money? Terrorists? By legal definition that is what they are. Now what if it isn’t money they are demanding, but something else of value? It makes no difference from the legal definition of terrorism – if they invade your property and place demands on you and will not leave at your request, that is terrorism. Even if they are only demanding food. In fact, what if this obnoxious group demanded a specific kind of food, some rare dish that you have never even seen – and refused to go away until you gave it to them?

If all this is starting to sound all too familiar, it’s because it’s real. Not only is this real, but a popular Christmas carol is composed of lyrics describing this exact terrorist stand-off situation. And every year thousands upon thousands of carolers invade neighbor’s property reciting this song! It is, of course, We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

Oh the song starts out innocently enough. It even sounds warm and friendly, your neighbors stopping by to pour a blessing on you and wish you well.

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year.
Glad tidings we bring
To you and your kin;
Glad tidings for Christmas
And a happy New Year!

Very nice, huh? Even if they did interrupt your favorite show. Such nice folks. But hold on – things are about to take a very unexpected turn. Just as you want to smile, wave, thank them and close the door, you get blindsided with sudden demands:

Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it right here!

Whoa! Where did that come from? Are they serious? They are demanding a certain strange food that nobody has ever seen or tasted. Unless you have a fig tree in your backyard, this is a ridiculous request! Before you can call the cops however, they do a quick 180:

Glad tidings we bring
To you and your kin;
Glad tidings for Christmas
And a happy New Year!

OK, maybe that food demand bit was just a joke, or maybe you heard them wrong. They seem to be acting nice again. But just as your initial panic starts to subside, they come back at you quickly with:

We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
So bring it right here!

Now the situation has gotten serious. They are back on the figgy pudding thing, and this time they mean business. They have flat-out stated that they refuse to leave the premises until they receive a payment from you in the form of a specific, rare food that there is no way you know how to make even if you somehow had the ingredients.

You could try calling the police but most likely they have cut your phone lines. If you are armed, you could try making a break for your firearm. But there are a lot of them and only one of you, and any group that shows up and makes unreasonable demands can also expected to be armed as well.

Perhaps it’s best to keep some figs around during the holidays. Hmmmmm – maybe they will settle for Fig Newtons?

Merry Christmas from Papa Riah

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