Jan

8

Flyers on Windshields

By admin

How do you feel when you leave a store, walk back to your car, and find a flyer on your windshield? Happy and eager to read the flyer? Or annoyed at being inconvenienced with it? My guess is the latter. You have just been burdened with a piece of trash that you are now responsible for disposing of. In fact in today’s society you are responsible for making sure it gets recycled properly.

Perhaps you have even been so annoyed that you let it make a litterbug out of you, pulling it off your windshield and letting it flutter to the pavement on the parking lot. Doesn’t that make you want to sort of hurry up and speed away at that point? You are now a fugitive attempting to make a getaway! Didn’t plan on that when running to the store for milk did you?

Somehow, you have now committed a crime – one which you probably think you are justified in, as the real blame goes to the company distributing those stupid flyers. Doesn’t it? Truth be told, the judge will probably not see it that way. What the company did was legal. What you did was not. They did not commit an intentional act of littering. You did. They are allowed to advertise in this manner and you are responsible for properly dealing with the literature you received.

Have you ever not even noticed it until after you started driving away? This happens sometimes with the smaller ones. That can really be annoying, especially if it creates a blind spot. As a matter of fact I have (on occasion) not noticed large ones until after I was on the road and suddenly had to deal with a rather hazardous blind spot on my front windshield. Note that this is also illegal – for me, not the company who just made a criminal out of me while I wasn’t looking.

The most tempting way to deal with this situation is – you guessed it – by turning on your windshield wipers. Been there, done that! It doesn’t always work. In fact sometimes this only repositions the flyer in a place that creates an even larger blindspot and you may be forced to pull over and deal with it. How embarrassing! If by some miracle you are able to free it with the windshield wiper, you are now littering on the highway – a much more serious offense than littering in the parking lot and it could end up costing you $500. Or worse, it could fly off and land on the windshield of some total idiot behind you and cause a traffic accident.

If that happens, how do you feel about going to the furniture store sale?

What are these companies thinking with this kind of marketing? How can it possibly work? Are we are such dolts that we will remember a sale at the cleaners and not remember that it nearly got us arrested or killed finding out about it?

And what about these kids they hire to distribute the flyers. They aren’t exactly the kind of people I would choose for handling delicate equipment on my car. I wonder how many windshield wiper arms have been broken in this process. I wonder how many kids who broke windshield wipers were stupid enough to still leave the flyer afterwards. I wonder how many people who had this happen to them were too stupid to even put two and two together and figure out how their car was damaged.

Papa Riah

Nov

18

Driving Tips for Asians

By admin

Ever wonder if there is a special DMV for Asians? I mean, some of the stuff you see them pull off just isn’t going to get you past the driving test unless the DMV test administrator is also Asian. (Hmmmmmm – maybe that’s how they do it.) Whether they have a license or not, most Asians could use a few driving tips. Being the humanitarian that I am, this post is dedicated to helping that cause. It’s for them, it’s for you, and it’s for me. If we can just get the Asians on board with the rest of us, the roads will become a much less hazardous place. And that’s good for all of us.

First off, I do want to mention that Papa Riah has many wonderful Asian friends. However none of them can drive worth a grain of rice. I often wonder if it’s the angled eyes. (If “angled” is now considered a derogatory term I apologize – please substitute another adjective to describe how Asian’s eyes look different from non-Asian’s.) Seriously – squint your eyes and look around. Do you think that would help or hinder in the driving process?

But there also seems to be something in the decision making process that just shuts down when they are on the road controlling a 4-wheel internal-combustion powered vehicle. I mean, they can ride a bicycle like nobody’s business. They can engineer fantastic solutions to insanely complicated technical problems. Let’s face it, most of them are wicked smart. But throw a simple problem at them like the donut shop is in the strip mall you just passed on the left and all their mental faculties just freeze up – along with their car.

Where I live there are a couple of Asian communities nearby. As you drive into these areas you know to slow down and be really careful. Vehicular obstacles are to be expected. Sudden unexpected moves anywhere from any car are something you need to factor into the possibilities when simply passing by another car in an adjacent lane – even going the opposite way. Things are not normal there.

With that in mind, here are some driving tips for our eastern friends.

• When there is only one of you and 100 of everybody else, it really is easier if you blend into what the 100 other people are doing as opposed to all of them stopping and conforming to what you are doing.

• From Webster:

merge

Verb

[merging, merged]

1. to combine, esp. so as to become part of a larger whole: the two airlines merged in 1983

2. to blend gradually, without any sudden change being apparent: late afternoon merged imperceptibly into early evening [Latin mergere to plunge]

Try to remember that you are not alone on the road – there are other people driving all around you at all times. This is critical to understand.

• If you suddenly realize that the place you need to be is over there, the best course of action is not always to stop in the middle of moving traffic and attempt to make a direct B-line to that place you need to be. There might actually be objects in the way, not the least of which is opposing traffic.

• The rear view mirror shows you other cars that are driving behind you, at the same speed (that’s a safe bet). This is actually very helpful. You should get into the habit of looking into it to see what is happening behind you once in a while.

• The reason your side windows are made of clear glass is so you can see what is going on beside you on either side. Try looking through them some time – it’s really pretty cool.

• Those numbers on the speedometer – the reason they go so much higher than just the first few is that your car actually goes faster. Really.

Papa Riah