…in California anyway. This is kind of a weird state. We legalize things that are illegal in the United States of America. Yet we are one of those United States. That is something I cannot understand. How can a state legalize something that is not legal in the country? President Obama recently made a plea for Federal drug enforcement agencies to stop “raiding” the California marijuana dispensaries. The ones that the state of California allows to be established and operate. The same ones that are illegal to exist anywhere in the United States of America. Seriously, civil wars start over this kind of stuff. Maybe that is what President Obama is wanting to avoid? Or is just a bone that he is throwing to the liberals who elected him?
Those of you who don’t live in California might wonder how these marijuana dispensaries work. You might have visions in your head of a drive-through window where Cheech and Chong pull up in their smoky van and hand a note from their mother in exchange for pot. Truth be told, the reality isn’t that much different.
I have had the unfortunate opportunity to learn all about it firsthand this week, as my father (in his late 60’s) decided he would see how difficult the process was in an attempt to help his insomnia. Let me tell you, when you go visit your parents and your Dad shows you his bong, nothing can surprise you anymore. That is the end of being shocked or dismayed in this life. A pink walrus could dance through my living room and pass out lollipops, and I wouldn’t think anything of it now.
The first thing he had to do was go to a marijuana-prescribing doctor. This is as simple as opening up the phone book or doing a quick internet search. You make an appointment and when you show up you say you have trouble sleeping and you are wondering if marijuana would help. The doctor tells you yes it might and scribbles you a note (known medically as a prescription) and off you go. The doctor visit might take 10 or 15 minutes.
Now comes the interesting part. You have to go to a marijuana dispensary. The doctor probably recommended one to you, and hopefully he gave you very precise directions – including the secret door knock. They are located in unmarked buildings, no signs, and usually no address numbers visible. New customers are given the color of the building, which donut shop it is across from, and which unmarked door to go through.
Assuming you can find the place, you get in line behind high school boys who better not ever show up asking for your daughter, toothless truck stop waitresses, and tattooed bikers. When it’s your turn you hand them the note, empty your wallet (the stuff is way more expensive than you remember from your misspent youth), and leave with a pill bottle stuffed with the choicest U.S. Government grade buds. Interesting that the same U.S. government which outlaws the dispensary is growing and processing the marijuana – and somehow allowing them to get a hold of it and distribute it before they raid them.
So, that’s it. Anybody can get it. Kids who get diagnosed with ADD or ADHD (the biggest sham in America) get subscriptions for it. The marijuana doctors are in the marijuana prescribing business and are not too picky about your particular health complaint. Cancer? Here you go. Have trouble sleeping sometimes? Here ya go. Elbow pain? Here ya go. We have lived to see the day and age where marijuana is legalized. I never would have guessed this as a teenager when the cops kept confiscating my pot.