Oct

31

What Not to Order at a Sushi Bar

By admin

Sushi restaurants have become a staple in modern society. Where Papa Riah lives there is just about one in every strip mall, and all of them do a good business. The popularity of sushi in modern American society isn’t very hard to explain. The food is both delicious and healthy, and what’s more it’s served in a fun atmosphere. You just can’t beat it. However some people just have to push the envelope in whatever they do until they ruin it. I like to refer to these folks as extreme sushi knuckleheads.

Extreme sushi knuckleheads are looking for shock value. They want to eat something that other people won’t. Which would be fine if they kept it to themselves. But if they kept it to themselves there would be no point to it, and so they wouldn’t even bother. They need you to notice them. They want you to think they are really cool for doing such hardcore sushi. What’s worse is they want to order you some of that ridiculous crap they are eating. So don’t pay much attention to them when you come across one, or you might find that they ordered you a special caterpillar roll – perhaps one crawling with actual live caterpillars.

When an extreme sushi knucklehead pulls up to the sushi restaurant he probably isn’t driving an ordinary car. It will usually be pimped out in some degree or another, no matter what kind of car it is. These guys like to be noticed. If they are bringing a date it’s probably a short little Asian girl (as they don’t seem to be too picky and usually don’t have a problem doing hardcore sushi themselves).

They won’t be dressed in ordinary casual clothes. They will be displaying some bling and have an expensive or unusual shirt. Perhaps expensive designer shoes as well, and many of them like to wear trendy sunglasses even at night. There will be a certain air about them, and everyone in the restaurant will soon become aware that they are on a first name basis with at least one of the chefs.

They will often start out ordering something rather run of the mill – for them that is, as it will likely be the most extreme thing you ever order. Maybe a special, colorful rainbow roll or something. Their drink of choice will be something really cool – a Scorpion for two in a porcelain clamshell shaped vessel, or premium cold Sake that comes out of a special hip-looking blue bottle.

But after their first course things will start getting interesting. They just can’t stand to dwell with the mere peasants anymore and will order something from their favorite chef which nobody else even knows exist. Perhaps a large fried fish head with the eyeballs raised up on toothpicks. And it only gets more bizarre from there. The last extreme sushi knucklehead I encountered had lobster heads which were still moving their tentacles placed on the bar next to him and his date’s plates while eating I-don’t-even-want-to-know-what.

One thing I never understood at sushi bars are the quail eggs. Why in the world would you want to eat a little raw quail egg? In my youth I tried a couple specialty items which included them and I’m here to tell you that they contribute nothing enjoyable to the dish. They are just there so you can be hardcore, and they really are not all that safe. All risk, no reward. If you are into Uni (sea urchin) it is much better served plain (no quail egg) and dipped in the wasabi/soy sauce.

In fact that’s really what eating sushi is all about. It’s that soy sauce and wasabi (which is really just a green horseradish) flavor. You just need a good substance to flavor it with, and cooked white rice plus some fresh raw fish happens to be the perfect texture for it. A good sushi experience simply means the fish was a good cut and extremely fresh. You aren’t going to improve upon that by ordering weird stuff or exotic looking rolls. It’s fine to tell the chef to make you something special; in fact some of the most enjoyable dishes are discovered that way. Just let him know you aren’t into anything too weird.

Papa Riah

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